Don't Lock Your Keys in Your Car.

On my POF profile, I mention that I dabble in triathlons.  Mark is a fellow triathlete, so he suggested that we meet for an ocean swim and then grab some drinks afterward.  Right off the bat, he earned major points for creativity because he suggested something out of the ordinary.  Have you ever been on an ocean swim for a first date?  I doubt it.

We met at the pier in Hermosa Beach and went for a little out-and-back swim.  We didn't go very far; I would guess maybe a mile at the very most.  Afterward, we went back to our cars to drop off our swim gear before going for drinks.  After Mark took off his wetsuit, he managed to lock himself out of his car... wearing only his Speedo.  So, here I am, standing in a parking garage in Hermosa, with a guy who is only wearing a Speedo.  On our first date.  Fortunately, I'm a AAA member so I was able to call and have them unlock his car for free.  He had a great sense of humor about it, though.  Also, he had a camera with him so we have video of the incident.  Do the links work?

http://www.flipshare.com/view.aspx?nRecipient=&nFrame=NDFFOTZFMjUtQTNGRS00MDk5LUEyNTctNjQxMjdBMkExRTUy&nT=

http://www.flipshare.com/view.aspx?nRecipient=&nFrame=N0MyNzQ5RDMtQzY5OS00NEI5LTgyODctQUIyRDE5ODhDQzhE&nT=

http://www.flipshare.com/view.aspx?nRecipient=&nFrame=MEU3NUU2MkItM0Y5Ri00N0FBLUJCNzItQkNEMDY3QzM4RTUw&nT=

 Anyway, after that issue was resolved, we got a pitcher of beer at a place called the Poop Deck.  Then we got some nachos at a Mexican place called Cantina Real.  We also befriended the owner of the place (Real himself), and he gave us some free margaritas.

I have kept in touch with Mark, but we haven't been able to meet each other again.  Hopefully we will soon.  I'll keep you posted.

I'm a Cougar.

So, I met a boy named Trevor.  He was incredibly nice, but also incredibly young.  Like, too young to legally drink.  He's twenty years old.  I think that I officially qualified myself as a cougar by going on a date with him.  Oops.

Anyway, I met Trevor at a Starbucks in Hermosa Beach so that we could chat.  We talked at length about our plans for the zombie apocalypse.  It was hilarious.  After Starbucks, we walked down to the pier and found an arcade.  Naturally, we played Guitar Hero and Air Hockey.  I won at Guitar Hero but lost at Air Hockey.  We also discussed the intricacies of the cast of Scooby-Doo.  Obviously, I am Velma (not Daphne).  As dorky as all of this sounds, I actually had a great time with him.  He's a really nice guy.

At the end of our date, he mentioned that his car was in the shop so his parents had to pick him up.  So I said that I'd wait around until they showed up.  This resulted in me meeting his parents ON THE FIRST DATE.  Kinda awkward, but not as bad as you might think.

Date #3

I met Mike at a billiards hall so that we could play a few games of pool.  One of the first things I noticed was that he was wearing a sweatshirt that is exactly the same as one I have, except that mine is in a smaller size.  Yes, I have a purple sweatshirt from the men’s department at Target.  Don’t judge me.  Anyway, playing pool was fun, but I lost.  No surprise there, I am terrible at pool.  

After that we walked across the street to a karaoke bar and grabbed some drinks.  Mike sang “Stuck in the Middle With You” by Stealers Wheel, and I sang “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi.  I was every bit as bad as you would expect me to be.  We talked about our taste in music, and it turns out we’re both fans of 80’s metal.  I mentioned an 80’s cover band I like called Steel Panther that plays in Hollywood on Monday nights.  (They’re really funny: steelpantherrocks.com)  He said “Hey, tonight is Monday.  We should go see them.”  So off to Hollywood we went.

Seriously, I can’t describe how hilarious their shows are.  Metal music, raunchy humor, and girls get up on stage and show their boobs (I am not one of those girls).  It’s not uncommon to see celebrities there on occasion, and that night Dane Cook and Steven Adler were there.  They both got up on stage, and Steven actually played a couple of songs with them.  It was awesome.  Mike had a good time, too.  We’ve stayed in touch, but haven’t been able to meet up with each other again.  Maybe someday soon.

Date #2 (and 4)

After exchanging a few messages with Paul, we agreed to meet by the Pier in Manhattan Beach.  He is a student who is getting his master’s degree in engineering.  We started out just wandering around the boardwalk, and he was extremely nice.  Almost too nice.  During our conversation he mentioned that he doesn’t drink and he is a vegetarian.  Well, two of my favorite things in the world are booze and dead animal meat, so I already knew that he would never be able to hang out with me and my friends.  Also, by the end of our stroll he had already started holding my hand.  Awkward, buddy… we just met.

We decided to get something to eat at one of the restaurants in the area, but couldn’t decide where to go.  Since he was the one with dietary restrictions, I suggested that he choose whatever would work for him, but he said that we could go wherever I decided.  I wanted to say “Hey, we should grab some chicken wings and beer at that sports bar,” but that obviously wouldn’t work for a vegetarian teetotaler.  We spent an inordinate amount of time trying to decide where to go before finally settling on an Italian place.  I felt obligated to order a vegetarian dish just so I wouldn’t offend the guy.  

I did agree to go on a second date with him though, because he was just too nice and I couldn’t say no.  We went to a bowling alley and then got some frozen yogurt on the Santa Monica Promenade.  It felt like I was in middle school, if only I had been cool enough to go on dates with boys in middle school.  After that we spent a few awkward moments standing on the pier looking out at the ocean.  During that time I got a text message from one of my friends asking if I wanted to party that night.  Paul asked if I wanted to go back to one of our places and watch a movie, but I told him that I was too tired.  After that I totally went out with my friends and gave my cell number to a guy at a bar.

I felt bad, but I sent Paul a message the next day saying that I thought he was a great guy but I didn’t think we were a good match for each other and blah blah blah… He was cool about it, though.  Honestly, the weirdest part about the whole thing was how he seemed to decide, within the first half hour of our first date, that he wanted a long-term, committed relationship with me.  By the second date he was talking about our future together.  Seriously, I had met another guy (next blog post) in between our two dates.  Since this is a dating website and I am actively planning dates with multiple other guys, I am definitely not ready to jump into anything that quickly.

Profile

Do you guys want to see my Plenty of Fish profile?  You don't have to be signed in to see it, and I'm totally not embarrassed to show it to you.  I have no shame about this.  Check it out:  http://www.plentyoffish.com/member26866418.htm

Do you know what's really fun to do, too?  Click on some of the profiles of other girls and be really judgmental about them.  I do it all the time.  It seems that there is a negative correlation between the ability to spell properly and how much cleavage they show in their profile pictures.  Interestingly, the same thing thing goes for guys who show pictures of their abs and/or biceps.

Also, I have completely lost count of the number of guys who have sent me messages specifically looking for one night stands.  I usually don't respond (duh), but sometimes it's too hilarious and I can't resist.  Like one guy who initiated contact with me by asking if I wanted a... how should I say this... purely carnal relationship.  However, his profile said that he was seeking a long-term relationship.  I responded by alerting him to the incongruity between his profile and the intent in the message he was sending to me.  I also suggested that he might be committing false advertisement.  I used words and phrases that I learned in law school.  Weird, he never wrote back.

Idea

I've been trying to think about things to write here and I was drawing a total blank.  Then I had an epiphany.

First off, I need to make a confession.  I joined a dating website recently.  It's called Plenty of Fish.  A friend of mine is on it too, and she recommended that I sign up for it.  At first I wasn't very sure about it, but I made a profile, started looking around, and actually got kind of interested.  It turns out that Los Angeles is not completely devoid of normal looking guys who are in my age group.  And very few of them look like they will rape me and leave my body in a ditch.  I've been on for about a month now, and so far I've been on dates with seven guys.  And I'm meeting another one this Wednesday.  Seriously guys, this is ridiculously fun.  That's right, Liz Jones is slutting it up big time.  Hah!

Anyway, I was thinking that it might be fun if I blogged about my internet dates on here, as well as other random funny adventures I have.  I will change their names for the sake of privacy, but I will tell each story as accurately as possible.  If I do this will anybody read it?

First up: I exchanged a few messages with a guy named Jake.  I'm not going to lie, I didn't have a great feeling about him; he seemed a tad skeezy.  I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something was a little off about the guy.  But I reminded myself that I signed up for this thing to meet new people so I should just go for it.  And we were meeting in a well lit public area so what's the worst that could happen?  Anyway, he lives pretty far away so we decided to meet in the middle, which turned out to be in Anaheim.  I have to drive an hour to get to Anaheim, so that added to my skepticism about the situation.

We ate dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., and it actually wasn't nearly as awkward as I had expected it to be.  The conversation came fairly easily, and he had a decent sense of humor.  After dinner we walked to a bar nearby to grab a drink and keep chatting.  This is where things got weird.  It became fairly obvious that Jake intended to fill me up with booze and try to take advantage of me.  He kept trying to buy me more drinks, and he even offered to get us a hotel room (ew)!

Needless to say, I did not allow him to complete his rapey mission.  And it gets worse... when I got home I looked him up on facebook.  Relationship status: married.  I did not contact Jake again.  Lesson learned: trust your gut, Liz.  If his profile seems sketchy, he probably is.

Don't worry, my experience has greatly improved since then.  I am now older and wiser.  More stories to follow if this is actually amusing for all two of my followers (love you guys!!).